Blog Reflection
This is my first blog ever, and I started it as I was adapting to a lot of change. A new country, new friends, new living environment, new school, and so on. I really did not know what I was doing, but I am so glad I made this blog because it forced me to speak my mind. First of all, I made certain rhetorical choices based on my appearance of my blog. My background sets a very calming mood, since it is a beautiful girl in a field of flowers. She has long, luscious eyelashes and classic red lipstick and her blonde hair cascades down the side of her face. She is also very real, she went to my old high school. She is not some photoshopped, skinny, naked celebrity that you would see in a magazine. It shows that everyone is beautiful in their own, unique way and conforming to a certain beauty is not necessary.
I made the choice to talk about personal things, without making the blog a diary. I talked about things that were happening in my life and my opinions on them and sometime what my friends thought about it. It’s real events and not just stories, so that I can speak from personal experience. Every blog entry I concluded with the thought of not needing to conform to society’s version of beautiful and to accept yourself the way you are. My voice as a writer developed throughout the blog posts because I could be quite formal in some posts, but more light hearted and joking in others. I wrote the entries without worrying about how people would react and if people would judge me, and it feels really good to put your raw opinion out there.
I hope that this blog has served its purpose in making women feel good about themselves for exactly the way they are. It really does sadden me when I hear people who beat themselves up for no reason. Even now, as I am sitting here, there are a group of girls calling themselves fat and talking about their body image. It’s actually really annoying to listen to because they are clearly beautiful and they know it, and they are just fishing for compliments. Anyways, confidence is honestly way sexier as well, so wear it proudly. Thanks for reading!
Victoria Secret Fashion Show
Who watched The Victoria Secret Fashion Show on Tuesday night? I did. Did anyone realize how many Facebook statuses went up?
“Pretty sure its safe to say that every girl who watched the VS fashion show, is going on a diet *coughcough* not eating” -Hannah Patrick.
“Victorias secret fashion show. an hour of epic beauty and jewels and wishing we were that fucking skinny”-Lina Palmer
There were so many statuses on my new feed that referred to girls becoming anorexic or dieting from watching that the show. If you didn’t watch it, in summarization, the girls’s legs did not jiggle AT ALL when they walked. The only thing that jiggled were their enormous boobs. The “angels’s” thighs do not even touch, and it was impossible to not gawk at their completely flat stomach.
Without a doubt, the show was entertaining. And I bet you are expecting me to bash on the show, but to be honest, I enjoyed it. The themes within the show were creative and the backgrounds and music accompanying the models were well thought out. However, the impact this fashion show had on girls all over the world is astounding. I admit, it motivated me to stop eating so many cafeteria cookies and the cafeteria cookies are good.
There are also so many mixed reactions I have heard from people as to whether or not they think the models are pretty. I assumed most guys would drool over any girl on Victoria Secret runway, but some guys responded that most of the girls were unattractive. They were seen as too skinny, and that guys don’t want a girl who’s “all bones”. This was so refreshing to hear, because it shows that media is not what you need to be. Obviously, some guys found the models extremely sexy, but others (probably the good ones) said that girls don’t need to be that skinny.
So ladies, don’t make it your goal to be stick thin, because as long as you’re healthy and happy with yourself, who cares? If you want to have a toned stomach so that your self confidence is higher, go for it. But don’t depend on needing to be skinny to be happy. There are plenty of guys out there who would kill to have you, even if you don’t realize it.
Twilight
Hey everyone! I’m seeing the Breaking Dawn midnight show tonight and I’m super excited! Actually my ticket says 12:03 to be exact. We talked a little bit about Twilight in my Writing About Women class, so I thought I’d expand on it. There has been a lot of talk about how Twilight is a horrible example of what a boyfriend should be like. Edward watches Bella while she sleeps, he’s overprotective and freaks out when she hang outs with Jacob. He stalks her, he’s extremely paranoid, and he doesn’t eat or sleep so he obsesses over her all day and night. He heavily influences all her decisions and appears to be controlling and many people view the relationship as completely unhealthy.
http://www.trailershut.com/movie-posters/Twilight-Breaking-Dawn-2-Movie-Poster.jpg
However, as I stated in class, Edward Cullen is a freaking vampire! People have to be able to decipher what is real and what is fake. Yes, if it was a real relationship, it would be unhealthy. But in the novel, Edward is trying to protect her from vampires and werewolves that could potentially kill her. I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend was controlling if he was my only way of protection.
Girls must be able to differentiate real romance and movie romance. It’s annoying how so many people are hating on Disney Princesses because they are seen as helpless and all they do is wait for Prince Charming. I think we need a few sappy romantic movies, because it gives us hope. Sure, it may raise our expectations to an impossible height, but I’d rather have high expectations than low ones. It will make it that much more meaningful then, when something that’s “like from a movie” happens because it will be genuine. I think movies can also help guys get ideas on how to be romantic.
My point is, that girls should not take all these movies seriously. Just because in one movie the girl has a happy ending because she acted a certain way, doesn’t mean the exact same thing happens in real life. Love happens differently to everyone. You can’t use the movies as a template on how the guy should act and how you should act. Act yourself, and then you’ll find someone who likes you for you. Be comfortable in your own skin and the rest will come naturally. Don’t search for love, it’ll find it’s way to you.
Promises- Nero
This music video showed rebellion through movements and throughout the lyrics to the song. It reminded me of the novel The Handmaid’s Tale, that we’re reading in my class. The video portrays a dystopian society where people in the society are not allowed to have emotions and make their own decisions. Everyone is controlled and is kept under constant, strict surveillance.
The video begins with the girl wanting to rebel, but the guy is telling her to snap out of it. This is like in the Handmaid’s Tale, when Moira wants to escape, but Offred is telling her to be careful. It shows the struggle of being on the edge of rebelling when they guy and the girl are moving together, but not touching. It’s like the point of wanting to, but being pulled back by fear- fear of the unknown, fear of losing something, and fear of gaining something greater than imaginable. But then when they kiss, it’s the point of no return. They both knew that they were in a messed up world and that they were better than that. The reactions to the kiss are comical to me, because the people watching don’t have emotions. They stare because they have never seen such a display of affection before. The other people even cover their eyes, because they don’t want to see that kind of behavior.
Although the movie ends with the lovers being pried apart from each other, I think it is beautiful how at least they tried. We don’t know what happens to them afterward, but I think it keeps the video more realistic. Although it is not a typical happy ending, it keeps love in a believable light. That is what love is- a leap of faith. You cannot hold back because you are afraid of the consequences such as getting your heart broken, because otherwise you will never be able to experience it. You have to give it your all, and only then can you find something real. Although the love in Nero’s “Promises” video was short lived, at least they were able to find it even if it was just for a moment.
This music video perfectly encases the need to rebel and that we have to be able to choose when what everyone else is doing is wrong. We cannot just follow the majority, because we have to know what is right for us. We don’t always have to just blend in. By having a high self esteem, we don’t have to worry about people staring when we do something different. As long as you know you’re doing the right thing, why should you care if other people judge you?
Do What You Want
Ever had boy troubles? Just kidding. That’s a silly question, we’ve all been there 🙂
What I want to talk about is the theme of “friends with benefits”. Have your seen the movie with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake? If not, go ahead and watch it right now because it’s a really sweet romantic comedy and way better than the movie No Strings Attached. And surprisingly, the ex- ‘N Sync member can act! Through this movie and The Social Network, Justin Timberlake has proved to me to be a well rounded artist.
Anyways, what is your view on friends with benefits? Does it depend on how far they go, such as just kissing or sex? My response to this used to be the obvious one. It’s frowned upon, and how can you constantly hook up with someone without being in a relationship? However, I realized from coming to college that there’s so many more different degrees of relationships. For instance, what if both people like each other? Does that still count as friends with benefits or is that “seeing each other”? What happens if one side doesn’t want a relationship and the other one does?
Do you think labels are even important? There’s also a quote that I really liked, “You actually don’t need labels in relationships, what you need is consistency. You just need to know they’re not going to wake up in the morning and feel differently”(Anonymous). In the movie 500 Days of Summer, he says something very, very similar to this. And Summer, the girl says that she can’t give that to him, and no one can. This statement is so true. When in any kind of relationship, you need to know they’re always going to be there. But we’re all human, we all screw up once in a while and we change our minds easily.
So if you’re stuck in a situation of friends with benefits, really assess what you want. Know if your morals allow friends with benefits or if you want something more real than just hooking up. This blog really helps too, hearing from a guy’s point of view.
http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/guy-wont-call-you-his-girlfriend/
My main point is that you have to keep a high self esteem in whatever you do. Don’t let someone use you and don’t be naive. I know it’s confusing, because the good can outweigh the bad, and you always remember the little moments. And if you have a good thing going on and you’re happy, by all means, continue with what you’re doing. Just make sure you know yourself and what you want out of it and don’t let someone control how you feel about yourself. You have to keep you head high because even if “the one” seems impossible to find, you never have to just settle for what feels safe. Go on and take chances worth making.
Started When We Were Young
http://www.womens-wellbeing-and-mental-health.com/WomensSelfConfidence.html
Colette Dowling is a psychotherapist and the above link is to her blog about Women’s Wellbeing and Mental Health. She says that studies show that the lack of confidence for women begin at childhood. Especially the smarter girls would give lower estimates of their performance or abilities than boys would. Studies show that “Girls are highly suggestible and tend to change their minds about perceptual judgments if someone disagrees with them. They set lower standards for themselves. While boys are challenged by difficult tasks, little boys demonstrate more task involvement, more self confidence, and are more likely to show incremental increases in IQ.” I think this is very true. If someone disagrees with me and starts backing their point up, I can get really nervous and wonder if my opinion is wrong. But now that I think about it, there are so many different ways to go about things. There’s not right and wrong to a lot of questions.
Low self esteem is often related to a high degree of affiliative need. This means that they need to experience relationships. For young girls, it is whoever they find stronger and more competent and they often attach themselves strongly to them. Also, according to a Stanford researcher, Eleanor Maccoby, said that you can predict a child’d probable independence and intellectual development by the age of six. To become successfully independent, the six year old has to already be “self- assertive, competitive, independent, and dominating with other children”. Can you imagine having a six year old daughter being that aggressive? I think I’d be scared if she was dominating other children, those kids are always so annoying.
This relates to feminism because feminism helps your self confidence. If you truly believe that men and women are equal, then you shouldn’t have to worry about impressing guys or embarrassing yourself as much. I often get nervous around guys, but then I realize that they’re not superior over me or better than me. Yeah, they can definitely be intimidating but I think it’s because they’re the ones with more confidence. When someone is totally comfortable in their own skin, you can tell. It shows in the way they walk, talk, sit, stand, you name it. They can carry their heads higher, and say things with more defiance without worrying about how it will affect others. There are times where I don’t say anything because I don’t want to sound stupid or offend anyone. Be careful what you say in the view of offending people, but if you have something useful and helpful to say, just say it. It took me a while to become comfortable enough to even do that.
now time to put my face on
Today, Cirque Du Soleil came to Chapman University and they are going to be teaching a bunch of workshops this weekend! This is the first time they have done something like this, and I’m so lucky to go to a school with such privileges. My roommate Rachel says she’s “super fucking excited!” because she wants to work with Cirque du Soleil one day. She wants to be a performer in it, so this is a really great opportunity.
I just got back from a makeup class with Scott Clish, the assistant costume designer of Cirque’s show “O” in Las Vegas. He started off giving a condensed history of makeup. It dates all the way back to the Egyptians who used it as a form of vanity as well as protection from the sun. He showed us how far we’ve come and all the different factors that changed makeup throughout history, such as lighting on stage or when films began. It was so interesting to see how something that once was nothing has developed into such an articulate art.
I wanted to talk about makeup because some feminists believe that makeup is society’s way of saying you need it to look beautiful. Personally, I like to play with makeup. I don’t wear a ridiculous amount like some people, but I think a little makeup is harmless. From this workshop, I also realized how vital makeup can be especially when it comes to performing. During shows, I know that us dancers put on makeup to make sure the lights don’t’ wash us out. But for Cirque, it enhances their character so much and makes the audience believe they are in another world.
If you are trying to build up your self esteem, don’t cake your face with makeup, please. Way too many girls look like clowns because of all the cheap stuff they throw on their face. You don’t need the extra details on your face. Yeah, you can put on a little but don’t depend on it. Try going a few days without makeup, and when a special occasion arrives try experimenting with a little eyeshadow and mascara. I’m not saying that you need it to look pretty, but it can give you a confidence boost every once in a while. But remember, you’re gorgeous naturally and makeup is more for fun than a necessity.
Ladylike
How many of you have been told, “that’s not ladylike?” Growing up, I heard that so many times, it was ridiculous. Because I was a dancer, I would often stretch in random public places. And I will never forget this one day- when I was at my piano teacher’s house waiting for my sister to be done her lesson. I was doing a stretch with my legs spread wide open to increase my middle splits, while sitting on the couch. My mom whispered to me, “Melanie! Don’t do that! That means you’re easy“. I was confused and when I realized what she meant, I just rolled my eyes and told my mom she was being silly.
Looking back on it from a feminist point of view, what is it with our society that women can’t even sit a certain way without sending the wrong message? I feel like society controls how we do everything! How we think, walk, talk, sit, stand, just everything. I’m not saying that everyone should sit with their legs spread wide open (especially if you’re wearing a skirt or a dress). But I mean, how come guys can sit like that? It’s perfectly normal for guys to sit with their legs wide open with their crotch displayed. As for women, it is seen as skanky.
Also, passing gas is another issue! Think about it. If a guy farts or burps, it’s funny and people can easily laugh about it. If a girl farts, it’s kind of awkward. Personally, I often laugh about it. But if a girl lets one rip on a date, I feel like the guy would be a little grossed out. I always talk to guys about this actually and have gotten mixed answers. Some say they would try to laugh it off but would secretly be turned off. Others said they would try to ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen. Guys just don’t expect it from girls. I literally just asked my friend what he would do if he was on a date and the girl farted. His answer was “I’d be confused. Girls don’t fart.” Clearly, something needs to change.
So ladies, just be comfortable with how you are and don’t always try to be “ladylike” slash what society expects you to be. You are perfect the way you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Beyonce’s Too Bootylicious?
There is a lot of controversy over Beyonce Knowles’ music video “Run the World (Girls)”. Some people think that her lyrics are fighting for women, but then her skimpy outfits objectifies women. However, I read Tawny’s blog, http://tawnyandersson.wordpress.com/ and her point of view is really interesting. She says that yes, Beyonce is wearing tight and revealing clothing. However, her dance moves suggest a source of empowerment and confidence rather than trying to be sexy. Tawny and I are both dancers, and I can see where her point come from. Beyonce is not just grinding on a guy, to show how hot she is. She is trying to portray herself as being strong and her dancing almost shows her frustration for fighting what she wants.
Whens he becomes fluid at 3:29 in the video, I feel like she is showing that she is still feminine in the midst of all her aggressive dancing. Especially how the lyrics are “My persuasion can build a nation/ Endless power/ Our love we can devour/ You’ll do anything for me”, show that she can be sensual, but not making herself an object. I think she is trying to show that she can be both captivating, yet also intimidating at the same time. She wants to show that she is proud of who she is and that there are so many different sides and opinions to her. It’s almost like feminism, where you can’t just define it in one term. There are so many different viewpoints and opinions one can have while being a feminist. But we can talk more about that later.
I just wanted to point out that Tawny’s analyzation of Beyonce’s dance moves in her video was valid and very insightful. She thought outside of the box and applied it to something that she was interested in. To be honest, the first time I watched this video, which was a while ago, I turned it off before it ended because I thought it was stupid. But then we watched it in class to analyze it, and I felt empowered and wanted to be part of Beyonce’s dance army of women. It’s something about all those women together and fighting for the same cause. This is what we should be trying to achieve as feminists.
Demi Lovato’s like a Skyscraper
I read a recent article called “Demi Lovato’s Rebirth” in the LA Times. The author, Amy Kaufman, states that Demi Lovato is transforming into this completely new person. She used to hide behind her optimistic, Disney Channel Star guise but it caught up with her. Instead of eating lunch with people during filming of her television show “Sonny With a Chance”, she would make excuses such as getting a tan, getting her nails done, or napping. Behind closed doors, she was struggling with bulimia, self-mutilation, and bipolar disorder.Her cover was blown when she was on an international concert tour with the Jonas Brothers, and she surprisingly punched a back up dancer in the face. I actually worked with a choreographer who was a lead dancer in Camp Rock 2 with Demi Lovato, and he was telling me about how she punched his friend in the face and how bizarre it was!
Anyways, her new album “Unbroken” is supposed to be all her confessions about her problems during rehab and her road to recovery. She recorded her hit single “Skyscraper” before rehab over a year ago and felt so disconnected from the positive lyrics that she would start sobbing in the studio. People would just think that she was “really into the song”. Because of her bulimia, the acid reflux had damaged her vocal chords and her voice has changed and has a more raspy edge to it. “Skyscraper” was reordered again after treatment but she decided to put the original version onto the soundtrack. I think that that makes the song fake to me. She already admitted how disconnected she was from the song when she recorded it, and now it just seems like she’s still faking it to me. Yes, she has changed her appearance as well, with losing the heavy eyeliner and going for the more natural look. But people should just leave her alone and let her recover on her own instead of claiming she’s having this “rebirth” and “new image”.
I think it was, however, a good idea to leave her television show when she left rehab. She said that while working, there would be four different cameras on her at all times and she would worry about the angles, shots, and lightings. Also, her constant monitoring sounds horrible, but necessary. After every meal, she must check in with an adult to make sure she is eating properly. Being monitored must be so annoying, especially because Disney Channel stars try so hard to prove that they are an adult as soon as they turn eighteen. For example, look at Miley Cyrus or Hilary Duff. Miley Cyrus is trying way too hard to prove she isn’t a squeaky clean Disney star anymore with her trying to be risqué music videos and skimpy outfits. Hilary Duff, you don’t hear about her as much but if you look at her more recent music videos, it’s past trying to hard. It’s almost to the point of embarrassing. I couldn’t even recognize the girl I used to look up to when I saw it. Here’s the link if you want to take a look http://www.youtube.com/user/hilaryduffofficial?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/3/QmAcooHx_u4
My point is, that Disney creates all these role models that kids look up to. But once they turn eighteen, most feel they need to break out of that Disney – perfect bubble and they forget to realize that so many little kids are still looking up to them. We, as young women, should try to set a good example because clearly the media isn’t doing a very good job. I can see now though, how hard it must be for these stars. They are constantly criticized by magazines and newspapers and it must be really hard to take after a while. They can’t go shopping with their friends like us, because they would get swarmed. I honestly feel bad for them and all their pressure that they have to go through.
Demi Lovato has gone through a lot this past year and I think it’s really sad how no one even suspected it. She hid it so well, and it goes to show that appearance and cheery exterior can be disguising the hurt and pain within. So make sure you are always aware of how your friends are because it’s always a great feeling to know your friends are there for you. Also, if you ever have feelings of wanting to hurt yourself, eating disorders, etc, please tell someone who can help you because it’s a serious issue. You are not alone and there are people who can and want to help. You are beautiful no matter how you compare yourself to other people, stop making it always a competition. If we always thought, “oh she’s skinnier than me” or “she’s prettier than me”, then you will never be content. So stop comparing yourself ladies and start picking out what you like about yourself. Yeah, Demi Lovato’s not perfect but no one is, and look how hard she’s trying to get better. She went through bulimia and bipolar disorder and it’s publicized everywhere. We should be able to get over our little insecurities too then.
To read the whole Demi Lovato article go here http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-demi-lovato-20110923,0,2806612.story
All I Know is That You’re So Nice….You’re the Nicest Thing I’ve Seen
Have you ever heard the song “Nicest Thing” by Kate Nash? If not, listen to it RIGHT NOW and read the lyrics.
It’s the cutest song you’ve ever heard, right? But at the same time, a really sad song. It’s basically asking a boy to love her. She wishes that he knew every little thing about her and that he would not even have to ask her questions because he would already know the answers.
This dance portrays the emotion perfectly. The choreographer is Brandon Croisetiere, and he is from where I used to live, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I have taken a few classes from him and I would always leave his class completely inspired and energized to dance more and more. He actually ended up taking one of my friend’s to our prom. He’s a really nice guy and an incredibly talented choreographer as you will see. He is one of the dancers, and the other dancer went to my high school, and his name is Eoghan Dillan. He will be graduating next year and it is obvious to see that he will go far in his dancing career. Please enjoy the dance and try to feel what the dancers are feeling.
http://www.youtube.com/user/PrioritiesAndOptions#p/search/0/KGn1cK6JRXQ
Did you get the chills? I definitely did. In one way, I think the song portrays how women sit around hoping for guys to love them. Here’s a hint: give yourself a good pep talk and tell yourself you can get any man you want, and then strut up to him and tell him what’s on your mind. You have to know that you’re beautiful and unique and if a guy can’t handle it, he’s definitely not worth your time. Have some self worth ladies, if you know you deserve something, do not back down until you get it. My friend Blake told me last night, “Look, figure out whatever your self worth is. If you feel like you don’t’ deserve a date, don’t expect one from him. If you feel like you deserve [it], then I would find the guy who also thinks you’re worth it.” When he said that, I knew he was completely right. Sometimes I worry too much about what other people think or making other people happy, but I will not be the one that they walk all over. My happiness counts too, and anyone who reads this should know that they have to think of themselves once in a while too. Know where you stand and then let them get on your level.
Stranger Talk
Ever said to yourself, “I wish I had the courage to talk to a random stranger”? Well, don’t stress, because I’m here to help. Through the article “Build Your Confidence” in the magazine Psychology Today, Hara Estroff Marano gives a few helpful, easy tips. Always know that you can start being sociable now, despite how popular you were in the past. The first tip is to plan things instead of waiting for things to happen to you. Go to that party or movie that someone invited you. Also, invite people to your own house to hang out whether it be friends you are already close to or acquaintances you would like to know better. This is super easy to do, because you could just go out for a cup of coffee and talk about what you saw on television last night, current events, your favorite band, or pretty much anything. Second, you have to think positively. If you were self-conscious from the beginning and anxious about what other people think, it will probably end up as awkward and forced. Try to be comfortable with who you are, and you are more likely to get a positive response. This is always a tough one for me. Too often, I think about making a good first impression and I want people to instantly like me. But when I am relaxed, I can easily talk and laugh more. Third, be an alert listener. Even if you have nothing to say, if you are interested in what the other person is saying, you can easily respond by letting them elaborate on their topic. The most socially adequate people are quick to gather and retain information and then can appropriately react to the different aspects of the topic. Also, be consciously aware of face expressions and subtle hints when someone wants to be left alone or if they want company. For instance, if someone is looking terribly stressed and digging her face into a book, she might want to be left alone because she is cramming for a test. But, if someone is gazing off into the distance or glancing around the room often, it is possibly they would like some company. Marano also says to enter conversations “gracefully”. She suggests to wait in a lull in the conversation and then step in with an open ended question. However, whenever that happens to me, I find it weird that someone was eavesdropping in on my group’s conversation. I secretly make a mental note of speaking quieter next time. So I do not agree with this tip, but you can try it out if you really want to talk to that group of people. The next tip is to learn to not take rejection personally. Everyone gets rejected and you cannot blame it on your personality because there could be many factors included such as they are in a hurry, they are having a bad day, and so on. You can instead just try another group or offer that they can catch up with them later. Think positive during the situation and analyze face expression and voice tone before responding. When conflict arises, do not increase the argument. Instead, find a way to fix it by negotiating, apologizing, changing the subject, and so on. Most importantly, have a good sense of humor. Laugh about little things and always see the brighter side, because it is better for both you and other people. Try these tips out and see what you think! Remember to just relax and enjoy yourself, because you never know who you will meet unexpectedly. One day, just like any other, you could meet someone who could change your entire view on life, and soon you will wonder how you lived without them.
To read the article, go to http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200307/build-your-confidence.
The Pursuit of Self Contentment 
